


Lord of the Phones

by TheConchPlaysCSharp



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, I apologize in advance, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23747686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheConchPlaysCSharp/pseuds/TheConchPlaysCSharp
Summary: Text conversations between the Lord of the Flies boys. In short, it's complete crack.
Relationships: Jack Merridew/Ralph, Roger/Simon (Lord of the Flies)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 53





	Lord of the Phones

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [west end kids](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7031071) by [jellyfishwing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfishwing/pseuds/jellyfishwing). 



CHOIR CULT 

_Jack, Roger, Maurice, Simon, Bill, Robert, Harold, Henry, Walter_

_15:38_

**Jack**

IMPORTANT REMINDER: choir rehearsal from 4-5, dont be late or i will personally show up at ur house and light u on fire

**Henry**

wow jack thanks for reminding me its not like youve been telling us this every thirty min for the last five hours

**Jack**

stfu henry

im chapter chorister and head boy

i can make as many announcements as i deem necessary

**Bill**

jack u do realize that the concerts not for another two weeks right

**Maurice**

yea why r we rehearsing so much

**Walter**

I think we sound fine. do we really need to rehearse today?

**Jack**

YES BILL I KNOW WHEN THE CONCERT IS

WE ARE GOING TO KEEP HAVING REHEARSALS

the next person to question my judgement is having roger sent after them

**Roger**

jack why are we having so many rehearsals

**Jack**

SHUT

_15:58_

**Simon**

hey I’m outside the choir room but the door is locked and there’s no one here

this is where we’re supposed to meet right?

guys????

Robert’s here now but no one else

**Robert**

where are u guys

its already 4

**Simon**

alright guys I can hear you laughing in there, let us in

**Maurice**

frick weve been discovered, everyone shut up

oh wait they can see this too

**Bill**

dammit rice

**Robert**

>:(((((

**Harold**

lmaooo

_17:11_

**Henry**

my lungs are dying

jack i stg if we keep up these rehearsals none of us will be able to sing by the concert

**Roger**

haha assmar baby

you’re just like fatty

**Simon**

Roger don’t make fun of Henry and Piggy >:(

**Roger**

sorry si they’re just so easy to make fun of

**Maurice**

you gUYS its PETER

weve been over this

p e t e r

**Jack**

fine henry u get a one day break

no one cares maurice

**Maurice**

I care >:((

its even easier than piggy bc its one less letter

wait nvm they both have five letters

**Robert**

smh my head

how are u so good at math when u cant even count

**Simon**

Peter said he doesn’t really mind being called Piggy anymore

**Jack**

see even he doesnt care

**Maurice**

w/e im still calling him peter

**Harold**

ok suti urself

**Bill**

suti

**Walter**

suti

**Harold**

*suit

**Roger**

suti

**Henry**

suti

**Harold**

wow i came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn

**Jack**

suti

**Maurice**

suti

_19:26_

**Robert**

can someone help me with math

**Maurice**

sure whats the question

**Robert**

how do u complete the square

**Maurice**

lmao what a nooooob

**Robert**

;( shut up im still a year ahead in math for my grade

**Maurice**

hah ok noob

anyway have this sheet i got off google

**Robert**

thanks

**Maurice**

np my child

_20:08_

**Walter**

GUYS HELP THERE IS A SPIDER ON MY DOORKNOB AND I CANT LEAVE THE ROOM. WHAT DO I DO

**Roger**

deal with it

**Walter**

WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???

SRSLY IM FREAKING OUT SOMEONE HELP

**Bill**

chill walt its just a spider. step on it.

**Walter**

I DONT WANNA GET NEAR IT

BESIDES, ITS ON A DOORKNOB. YOU KNOW IM NOT FLEXIBLE ENOUGH FOR THAT

**Simon**

scoop it onto a piece of paper and put it outside?

**Walter**

Simon, if you think I’m getting within TWO METERS of that thing, you’re batty.

**Harold**

idk climb out ur window or smth?

**Walter**

I broke my leg doing that once, never again

OH FRICK THE SPIDER’S GONE

well, it’s been nice knowing all of you.

**Jack**

dont worry walt, we’ll come collect ur body and give u a proper burial once this is all over

**Walter**

thats reassuring, thanks.

_23:42_

**Bill**

is there someone who can proofread my essay when i finish? its due midnight so im kind of in a hurry

**Simon**

wasn’t it due at 8?

**Bill**

oh shoot

_01:33_

**Simon**

it’s 1:30 and I wanna talk about my existential thoughts

**Roger**

let’s hear em

**Simon**

so I’ve been thinking about that theory

the one about how we might be living in a simulation

what if none of this is real? what are we living for?

**Jack**

… is this the real life?

is this just fantasy?

**Simon**

wut

**Jack**

caught in a landslide

no escape from reality

**Harold**

open your eyes

**Maurice**

look up to the skies and seeee

**Robert**

im just a poor boy

**Jack**

i need no sympathy

**Bill**

i need no sympathy

**Jack**

Bill no u ruined it

**Walter**

because I’m easy come, easy go

**Simon**

where did u all come from

**Maurice**

little high, little low

**Robert**

any way the wind blows doesnt really matter to meeeeee

**Jack**

to meeeeeeeeeeeee

**Bill**

*epic piano solo*

**Maurice**

bum bum bum BUM BUM

**Walter**

bum bum bum

**Jack**

shut up u dont sing the instrumental, it disrupts the chat flow

**Robert**

BUM BUM

**Harold**

mama, just killed a man

**Roger**

put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead

**Bill**

yea u did

**Roger**

shut up bill u ruined it again

**Jack**

mama, life had just begun

**Walter**

but now Ive gone and thrown it all away

**Simon**

*inhale* MAMAAAA

**Robert**

ooooh

**Bill**

i dont wanna die

**Harold**

didnt mean to make u cry

BILL THAT WAS INCORRECT STOP RUINING IT

**Roger**

if i’m not back again this time tomorrow

**Bill**

screw this

We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) (Ooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry

**Jack**

carry on, carry on

BILL WTF

**Walter**

heck u bill

**Maurice**

aw frick, i cant believe youve done this

**Bill**

ok guys shut up and lemme finish my essay

**Harold**

BILL YOURE STILL NOT DONE OH MY GOD

**Simon**

I can still proofread if you need it

**Bill**

thanks simon ill send it to u

_03:12_

**Maurice**

****

**Roger**

Maurice it’s 3 am go to bed

also that meme is super old

**Maurice**

what its still a good meme

that last one is totally u

**Roger**

ok whatever

now go to bed or i’ll steal ur kneecaps in math tomorrow

**Maurice**

alright goodnight baby <3

**Roger**

what the heck

_03:56_

**Bill**

hey guys i just turned in my essay!!! are u proud of me

guys?

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Bill, we've all been there.  
> The math sheet and the hot pockets memes are from the internet.


End file.
